OK, so I have been planning on updating this for weeks...
Updating on the last, failed IVF cycle and so on...
But i haven't got round to it...
So l planned on doing it this week before we start the Adoption Programme...
Showing my hopes for a new start...
But i didn't...
So now it's the night before it starts, and i still can't be bothered...
I really want to do it as i know i will regret it later...
But maybe it's just the finality of it all - the realisation that one dream is not going to end as i want it to...
Or maybe just with 12 months of crap at work involving idiot managers, going into administration, uncertainty or future, producing information to prove to prospective buyers that my friends and colleagues are worth employing, bad weather, idiot administrators, new idiot owners, old managers suddenly leaving at a moments notice, more work uncertainty, working for useless fools who don't know how to run holiday parks, seeing friends getting even more bogged down, working with people who if they had brains they would dangerous, losing even more friends and having to put a brave face on working for the most customer unfriendly, cold-hearted bunch of fools who ever walked the face of the planet has just worn me down to the point i just don't care any more.
No, it's defiantly the first... though the second lot hasn't helped. Through the toughest 18 or so months of my home life I've had to contend with this as well, and as i go into yet another 'most important week of my life' it still looms over me like a big black cloud.
So thank you to my friends for keeping me sane, and for their help and encouragement over the past few months. You know who you are and you are all very special xxx
I know I've been a moody sod, especially when certain conversations are taking place in the office... sorry but i just can't help it. Having to llisten to an hour of mindless baby chat in a morning really doesn't help my mood, but i should probably stop being so self centred and selfish...
On second thoughts, why the hell should I stop?
